You Were Always Mine by Christine Pride

Author:Christine Pride [Pride, Christine & Piazza, Jo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-06-13T00:00:00+00:00

Dear You,

The first thing I remember when I came to was the smell of Bath & Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar, which arrived a few seconds before Heather’s face hovered over mine. My confusion gave way to full-on panic when I realized I was at a hospital, specifically the Orlando Regional Medical Center, where a sticker affixed to the beeping monitor beside me announced, WE OFFER QUALITY HOMETOWN CARE.

Waking up in a hospital was not good for so many reasons. The first was because I wondered if it meant I was dying. It sort of felt like it. The second was how the hell I was going to pay for any of this if I did live. My Disney insurance hadn’t kicked in yet. And, if this place had my ID, which was in my purse, they might look at my address, which still lists Leesville, and call my grandparents. But I couldn’t think of any of that at the moment, because Heather was screeching at me.

“Jesus, you scared me! Are you okay? You had a baby?!” As usual, Heather spoke in multiple sentences at a time, as if she’d run out of words if she didn’t get them all out at once. “The doctors say you had a uterus hemorrhage… or something like that! You almost died, Daisy!”

I would have thought she was exaggerating, except for how close I felt to death. Blinking took more energy than I seemed to be able to spare. Let alone speaking, so I didn’t.

“Aren’t you going to say anything? Oh man, can you even talk? Is your brain okay? DAISY?”

Heather seemed completely freaked out but also mad at me, and I couldn’t understand why. I had to think fast to work out a response, which was impossible since my mind felt like a soggy sponge. I considered pretending to faint, but that would have just prolonged the inevitable. For a split second, it actually occurred to me to say you had died. A still birth. But I realized I could never do that to you. I couldn’t ever say those words while you were alive and breathing in this world. And honestly, even in my current state, I knew that answer would only lead to more, and harder, questions. I took a deep breath, lungs on fire from the dry hospital air. I couldn’t manage a lie.

“Yeah. I was pregnant. I had a baby. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

I didn’t know why I was apologizing to Heather, but she seemed to need it and appreciate it.

“I can’t believe you had a freakin’ baby, Daisy! Where is it?”

“I… gave it… her… the baby… up for adoption. So I didn’t want to talk about it. It hurt too much.” There was enough truth there.

“Wow. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. I can’t believe you did that. I could never in a million years.”

It was such a Heather thing to say, compassion laced with judgment. Or maybe not. Maybe I was just too sensitive, because I couldn’t imagine it either.

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